Hey guys,
(OH MY GOsh, a whole damn post done laboriously gone......damn it)
Am just thinking of writing a post to pen down my thoughts. Sometimes I would have moments where my mind goes through a whole thinking process of areas concerning my life or factors associated to it. Although I don't daydream as much as some people do, I am still guilty of being lost in reverie with a blank expression on my face. It's hard to really understand what my mind is trying to make me think and feel sometimes. There's just so much emotions churning through that tiny, gooey mass of a brain I have. It's a wonder how human minds can deal with these elated feelings of fear, anxiety, excitement, frustration or utter bliss even, to name just a few.
(Oh goodness, I can't reenact my whole post especially when I can't concentrate now as I am chatting. I hope this one will do)
FEAR of finally becoming an Undergrad. It's depressing to think that I am going to be the bottom of class most of my Uni years when I have always been average or above almost my whole life (please allow me to boast a bit). We'll just see how I am going to deal with this new found depression.
ANXIETY over going to the Uni that I am going to. Those people that know me well enough knows that I can't carry off intelligent conversations well. I begin to stutter and mispronounce once I become a nervous wreck and that happens when I am talking to someone intimidating or if I am trying to impress! How ironic.
EXCITEMENT that I am going to finally be a *cough* mature *cough* student. Being able to meet new people and make friends. I hope I don't have to go through too much nicety to find real friends whom I can feel at ease with and whose place I can crash at. Feels good to have a new city that I can explore!
FRUSTRATION over the fact that no matter how low profile I want to keep myself, it is definitely not happening. As humble and modest as you think I am trying to be, I am just trying to stray far from the disastrously awkward predicament that I am going to be in if and when I am not able to graduate with honours in that course of mine. Heck, it'll feel even worse if I can't even survive for a year. As much as you guys try to convince me otherwise, I know myself best right and trust me when I say that it's going to be a miracle if I am able to change my dreadful studying habits. I get so tired reading just a few pages of text, how do you expect me to go through all those books in the reading list albeit my *cough* passion *cough* for my course.
UTTER BLISS when I am with my best and close friends and certain siblings of my family (other siblings feels more like a responsibility sometimes, still love them nonetheless). I quote from a conversation I had with Ming Hui, 'You know how sometimes when you're out with certain friends, you feel a bit exhausted, drained even. Don't you think that you're able to be so comfortable with some friends because you don't have to be continually trying to entertain them or even worry about being judged. You can just let go of most inhibitions and be whoever you truly are because no matter what, they'll still love you' (ok, i think i changed it alot from the original conversation but at least I hope I got the point across).
But then again, i am not only blogging about what to expect with my coming Uni life. All those emotions I was talking about..it's because of what has happened in the past or present or just recently even. This whole summer holiday, I've just done things for my leisure. Enjoyed two memorable holidays at Barcelona and Hong kong...obviously it's the ppl who i was with that made it all the more special. And then, back in Brunei, i have been eating without a care of calories ;p and meeting up with friends ever so often. I hardly did any work...but then again, that's what holidays are about right.
I'm going to be really upset when all my besties leave for UK one by one before me. I can only next meet them during Raya hopefully! I'm gonna so miss the Bruneian way of life when I go back!
That's all for now. I'll edit this post if necessary. Loads of love!
(Oh goodness, I can't reenact my whole post especially when I can't concentrate now as I am chatting. I hope this one will do)
FEAR of finally becoming an Undergrad. It's depressing to think that I am going to be the bottom of class most of my Uni years when I have always been average or above almost my whole life (please allow me to boast a bit). We'll just see how I am going to deal with this new found depression.
ANXIETY over going to the Uni that I am going to. Those people that know me well enough knows that I can't carry off intelligent conversations well. I begin to stutter and mispronounce once I become a nervous wreck and that happens when I am talking to someone intimidating or if I am trying to impress! How ironic.
EXCITEMENT that I am going to finally be a *cough* mature *cough* student. Being able to meet new people and make friends. I hope I don't have to go through too much nicety to find real friends whom I can feel at ease with and whose place I can crash at. Feels good to have a new city that I can explore!
FRUSTRATION over the fact that no matter how low profile I want to keep myself, it is definitely not happening. As humble and modest as you think I am trying to be, I am just trying to stray far from the disastrously awkward predicament that I am going to be in if and when I am not able to graduate with honours in that course of mine. Heck, it'll feel even worse if I can't even survive for a year. As much as you guys try to convince me otherwise, I know myself best right and trust me when I say that it's going to be a miracle if I am able to change my dreadful studying habits. I get so tired reading just a few pages of text, how do you expect me to go through all those books in the reading list albeit my *cough* passion *cough* for my course.
UTTER BLISS when I am with my best and close friends and certain siblings of my family (other siblings feels more like a responsibility sometimes, still love them nonetheless). I quote from a conversation I had with Ming Hui, 'You know how sometimes when you're out with certain friends, you feel a bit exhausted, drained even. Don't you think that you're able to be so comfortable with some friends because you don't have to be continually trying to entertain them or even worry about being judged. You can just let go of most inhibitions and be whoever you truly are because no matter what, they'll still love you' (ok, i think i changed it alot from the original conversation but at least I hope I got the point across).
But then again, i am not only blogging about what to expect with my coming Uni life. All those emotions I was talking about..it's because of what has happened in the past or present or just recently even. This whole summer holiday, I've just done things for my leisure. Enjoyed two memorable holidays at Barcelona and Hong kong...obviously it's the ppl who i was with that made it all the more special. And then, back in Brunei, i have been eating without a care of calories ;p and meeting up with friends ever so often. I hardly did any work...but then again, that's what holidays are about right.
I'm going to be really upset when all my besties leave for UK one by one before me. I can only next meet them during Raya hopefully! I'm gonna so miss the Bruneian way of life when I go back!
That's all for now. I'll edit this post if necessary. Loads of love!
"Coz you are the Brightest Star and I'm in love with who you are."
8:13 PM
8:13 PM